Having a child is an exciting time, whether it is your first or your fourth child. It can become more complicated the more time there is between the siblings. When there is a long time between one sibling to the next, the whole family can get used to the way things have already been operating. When my husband Jonathan and I started our family, we had our three children close in age. Our first two kids are 18 months apart, and our second child and third child are 19 months apart. Our youngest is now twelve years old. Jonathan and I recently realized that we will be welcoming our fourth child in 9 months. There is a huge age gap between our other three kids and this one, so we had a few concerns. We have always tried to make our family a priority. It is important for us that we have a plan for continuing to build our family unity. Jonathan and I had to discuss our plan for our family, before we could tell our children about the good news.
We understood that although having a fourth child is exciting, it will affect everyone in our family. It is important that we (the parents) are considerate of everyone’s thoughts about the change that will occur in the months ahead. Welcoming a new addition to the family does not have to be disruptive. It is important that we (the parents) discuss the reality of how things will change, but there are some things we can do to create an atmosphere of excitement rather than doom and gloom. Here are a few things I have decided to tryout with my kids. If you decide to use my tips remember that everyone responds differently, what may work for my kids may not work for your kids. My three children are 15,13, and 12 years old. The age of your other children may also affect your results. Whatever you decide to do, pray about it, and ask the Lord to direct you.
- Limit how much their world will change. Eliminating any change is impossible, but everything does not have to change. Having a baby is exciting, but remember God, you, and your husband made that decision, not your children. Try to keep things as close to how they currently are as much as possible. When we limit the amount of change, then they can focus on the benefits of having a new sibling. When we told our kids they were going to have a sibling, our oldest started to cry. She said they were happy tears. However, her first question was if she had to give up her room. We quickly comforted her and shared our plan for our expanding family. It is important to remind your kids that a new child does not replace them. The best way to demonstrate to your kids that all of them are equally important, is to minimize how much you need to take away from them on account of the other children.
- Make them apart of the process. Remember, every day you are experiencing the baby as it grows inside of you and while you go to your appointments to check on it. The only way your family can experience the baby before it arrives is through you making them apart of the process. Here are a few suggestions to make them apart of the process: Let them give name suggestions, they just might give a name that you would consider naming the baby. There is no harm in them making suggestions, remember you do not have to go with it, but at least they are thinking about their new sibling. Another way to make them apart of the process is to allow them to feel the baby moving inside of you.
- Prepare them for the change that will affect them. Talk to them about how they will need to be involved once the baby arrives. What jobs around the house will they need to help with more frequently? Plan for when the baby arrives. Think about the way you could use their help. It can be with the baby: giving him or her a bottle occasionally or holding the baby to give you a short break. Or you can use their help with chores around the house or helping with meals. The sooner you know how they can help, the sooner you can begin to develop a routine that is in place before the baby arrives.
Adding a new addition to the family can be exciting for everyone. If everyone in the family is considered, then no one will feel like having another child or sibling is undesirable. When the focus is on working together like a team to help the family operate affectively, it will build closeness rather than wedges between everyone.
ChristianHomeschoolHQ.com: If you are still pregnant, then come up with a plan that includes the involvement of the whole family. If you have already had your gift from God (baby) and the process has been stressful on your family, then spend some time identifying what is causing the stress. Do you need more help with the baby? How can you involve everyone in the family? If everyone has something to complete, then that is one less thing you will have to complete. Do you need help with things concerning the house? Maybe you can wash the clothes and your kids can fold them. Remember, when you get help from others it will not be done the way you would do it, but at least you will be getting help from them.